Still insanely frustrated by my iPod refusal to connect to my computer and the Apple store's confirmation that there was no fix other than restoring it and losing all of my music, I decided to poke around on my newfound love, LifeHacker.com.
Browsing all posts tagged with iPod, I came across a random one from 2007 that instructed you how to do your own surgery on your pod. However, this of course would erase all your music.
I thought I'd check the comments though and Voila!
Yup, that's right, just a little spanking. AND IT WORKED!!!